I’m very excited because my Steam Deck has shipped. I got the email to say it was ready on Thursday evening, paid a few hours later and then Monday got the email with a tracking code. At the moment it is still in the Netherlands, or at least that’s what the tracking says. It probably isn’t really. I probably won’t get another update until it’s through customs. Hopefully it will come by the weekend.

I don’t know what I’ll play on it though. 🤔

Dream from last night: I was at Parkrun having a terrible run because there was a very congested start and I got stuck to another runner. Literally stuck, like with glue. It took us a few minutes to peel ourselves off each other. Later on (still during Parkrun), the car I was in (????) got turned upside down so I had to get out of it. Then there was a queue going into the finish funnel so I was waiting a few minute before I officially finished. My finish time was around 25 minutes, which sounds pretty good considering everything that had happened, but I was so annoyed I squirted the marshal responsible for the queue in the face with a bottle of ketchup that I must have been carrying with me, which I regretted immediately (even though he deserved it). I woke up stressed that I was going to get banned from Parkrun.

Just things

I had a weird email the other day sending me an invoice for an unpaid tenancy from a few years ago. Usually this kind of thing is just spam or has been sent to the wrong person, but, bizarrely, this one was addressed to my full name including my middle name which has a slightly unusual spelling. Plus it seemed to have been sent by a real company. I was a bit worried by that, because it looked a bit like identity theft and the last thing I need is a debt collector turning up. But it turns out that there is someone else with my full name! And I know this because it was published online that they were declared bankrupt around the same time that the tenancy ended, and their address given was close to the address of the property in question. How strange!

I had a very vivid dream last night about a woman I used to work with. She passed me in the street and I recognised her but ignored her. She did the same thing but I turned around to look back at her and saw she was staring at me. Anyway, some fuzzy dream events later, we were talking and apparently she had been married twice in the few years since I left that job, and her surname was now Pope. I don’t think this is important, but that’s the name my dream brain chose. I was slightly unimpressed by this especially as she was now taking an interest in me. My very practical dream self was a bit nonplussed about this and decided that I probably shouldn’t become involved with someone who remarries so often (as if that’s the only issue here). So I spent the rest of the dream trying to avoid her. Then I woke up at 4 o clock thinking it was real. And then I spent probably about half an hour frustratedly trying to remember what her real surname is, because it’s definitely not Pope and it was annoying me. I remembered in the end.

I think I sleep worse at the moment because it’s quite light and warm. But maybe also because of running later in the day. I do my weekly long run on Mondays now because it’s easier to fit it in around Monty duty than on the weekend. So I don’t seem to sleep too well on Monday nights. Yesterday I did 17km and according to Strava it was my second fastest 10 mile and 15km, not that I felt like I was really pushing. Today I felt a bit drained but dragged myself out for 9km this afternoon…. And it was terrible. My heart rate stayed low but I had no energy and no power in my legs at all. I think I need to eat more after the long runs. I don’t think I’ll be doing intervals this week.


Last night’s dream: I remembered that I had a turtle a few years ago. Or at least something that looked a bit like a turtle. It was some kind of little green thing. Actually I don’t think it’s a real animal, but we’ll call him a turtle. I don’t know what happened to him. I used to let him wander around my bedroom but then I forgot about him for a few years, so one day I started wondering where he got to. He probably hasn’t died because surely I’d have noticed a terrible smell. So where is he? Is he hiding in my bedroom still or has he wandered off? I looked under my bed but I couldn’t see him, so he must have found his way out into the garden somewhere.

So anyway I declined the job yesterday by emailing the recruiter. I worked out that the extra hours actually equated to an extra month of work per year. I work 37.5 hours a week as opposed to 40, and I get 4 extra days of holiday. Add all that up and they wanted an extra 160 hours per year or 21.3 working days, or in other words, a full month. So I said to the recruiter that the money was fair and appropriate for stepping into a more senior role with more responsibility, but not for more responsibility AND an extra month of work. He wanted to go back and negotiate more with them but this was already offer number 2, so I said they’d already had plenty of time to put forward a realistic offer and they weren’t making me feel valued.

I’m starting to feel calmer again now. This is my Garmin stress of Wednesday versus today:

Though, even today is still high. When I’m properly content, it’ll be come down to 14-16ish.

I often get a big spike early morning which gradually comes down throughout the morning. I’m not sure why. I used to think it was recovery from running first thing, but it’s still there even if I don’t run.

Progress already

I felt very motivated this morning and I ended up speaking to three recruiters. I’ve been put forward for four jobs, and I have an interview offer already.

Of the four, this is the only one that isn’t 100% remote. Unfortunately the location is a bit inconvenient – I’d need to get the train into the city centre, then get a bus out. Probably about an hour and a half in total. Or, buy a car. They are open to some remote, so it depends how much. If they’d agree to one day a week in the office (or less) then I’ll be OK with the location. I don’t think the car option makes much sense. If I only need to be in the office a few days a week then a car seems like a huge expense for not much use, but if they want me in more frequently then I’m probably better off where I am now.

I realised where the weird dream came from. The colonoscopy was because I was reading a thread on Reddit about reducing the incidence of colon cancer (drink less, eat less red meat, eat more yoghurt), which turned into a discussion of colonoscopies. The male doctor with breasts was because a few nights ago I watched the episode of the Simpsons where Krusty is trying to hide from the mob, so he gets plastic surgery but for whatever reason his surgeon gives him breasts.

I’m glad we got to the bottom of that.

The bit where he hits his head on the glasses and it plays the Godfather theme was really clever!


I slept really badly last night. I felt stressed before going to sleep. I feel stressed by the thought of job seeking again.

I ended up having a dream about… Having a colonoscopy. Why? I really don’t know. Also the doctor administering the procedure was a man but he had breasts. And was showing off his cleavage. I felt very confused by this. He hadn’t addressed it and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be referring to him as he or she, which made me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t want to offend him. At some point later in the dream it somehow became clear that he was a he. For some reason I hadn’t notified work that I was having a procedure and I was getting nervous about whether or not I should send them an email to let them know.

This is by far the weirdest dream I’ve had recently. What was going on inside my subconscious yesterday I have no idea. I slept solidly from about midnight to three AM (while I had this dream), then everything after felt like low quality sleep.

When I said yesterday I’d replied to two more recruiters… I don’t think they’re going anywhere. One very politely replied with more information (as requested), but the salary is not really enough to make me move. It’s a shame because it lines up on the other points. I’ve replied to her and said as much, so maybe that one’s not quite over yet.

The other recruiter seems to be a pain. He originally mailed me to say he had a great job, can he phone me up please. I said “send me some information and if it seems like a match we can talk”. He replied to say “Are you free for a chat today?”. I have now replied and said “as I said, I’ll be free for a chat when you send me some information and it seems like a match”. I can’t see this one going anywhere. His agency specialises in Scotland (hundreds of miles away) and nothing they have on their website looks remotely relevent.


I have had a recurring theme in dreams lately of being back at university and not knowing my timetable. The setting changes a lot, but the detail that I am not in full knowledge of my timetable is persistent. I kind of resign myself to not attending all the lectures and think it’s probably OK because I’ve done well enough in other areas that it won’t affect my grade, but I feel quite anxious about it. I’ve dreamt variations on this theme four times that I remember in the past month or so.

I don’t know why this keeps coming up. It’s been over ten years since I was at university.

Strangely, last night all the people in the dream were from secondary school. The main one is a girl I probably never spoke to and probably haven’t thought of once since I left school. Yet, there she was in my dream, getting annoyed with me for not knowing my timetable(!).

More dreams

The other night I woke up at the dreaded four o clock after having a dream about work. Except, it wasn’t my work. I’ve been watching Star Trek Picard, and the blonde robotics doctor Agnes Jurati was my coworker. But she didn’t like me much and was quite mean to me so one day I walked out. I woke up really stressed about a job I don’t even have.

Later, I went back to sleep and I was on the bus going home from work (I don’t even travel by bus). Part way home I decided I should go back to work, so I got off the bus and walked back to work with a man who for some reason I met along the way. When I got back to work, they’d decided to close the office early, which also meant I couldn’t work my hours. One of my co-workers (real co-worker, blonde, coincidence?)) was there and she was looking at my timesheet (we don’t even record timesheets) saying things like “well, it’s whether you think you can explain to your manager why your hours aren’t complete…”, which stressed me when I woke up.

I have more stress in my life from imagined jobs than I do from my real job. 🤨


I kept waking up last night with strange dreams, which is probably a mixture of it being unusually warm and the fact that my anti-depressants seem to make me dream more. This morning I wrote down a quick description of each one so I could write about them later (now)…

Dream 1: I was being mugged by a bunch of teenagers. I decided to run away instead of giving up whatever they were trying to steal, but they had obviously done a lot of PE at school and kept up with me. I made to a very suburban bungalow housing estate, which seems suspiciously similar to my grandparents’ neighbourhood, and somehow ended up inside an older man’s house, who was happy to let me hide there for a little while, because he then tried to mug me too and I had to run away again. He was bald. I didn’t like him.

Dream 2: Boris Johnson is still in intensive care but the Conservative party decided to elect a new prime minister just because. They chose a bald man I hadn’t heard of. I’d tell you who it was, but I can’t remember his name and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t exist.

Dream 3: When I came to write this, I found my succinct description of this dream was “Half a burger” and it didn’t ring any bells at all. However, it has just come back to me! I was in a fast food restaurant and was on my own but I was sharing a table with a bunch of girls and another party. I ordered a burger but when it came it was only half a burger. When the waitress came back to deliver some food to the girls I was sitting next to I tried to explain I had ordered a whole burger, but she just ignored me. I went up to the counter and complained about it. My parents were also in the restaurant and they agreed that it wasn’t very good that I didn’t get a full burger.

Dream 4: Pokémon Go added catapults. The Pokemon use the catapults to launch things at you while you try to catch them. I don’t know, it made sense in the dream.


The bees were huge and for some reason the only way to fend them off was to shoot them in their knees. Unfortunately, try as I did, I just couldn’t hit the stupid bee in the knee. And there was a serial killer. He was bald and he had an evil face. I think he was controlling the bees. I think the bees may have started off as horses but changed into bees part way through the dream, which might explain why they were so big. Horse sized evil bees!

I was not a happy bunny when I woke up at 1:34 this morning.

I was also not a happy bunny when I woke up at 5:15, because I was having another dream about fucking Becky from my old job. Please note that that was an adjective, not a verb. I can’t actually remember now what she was doing in my dream, but I remember being displeased when I woke up. Less displeased than about the bees though.