I got two responses back from physios today. Both of them are near work. They are both possibilities but I think I need to actually phone them up to figure out if I can actually get an appointment at a time that works around work. Which I don’t want to do just yet. The two near home are yet to respond, which is a bit disappointing. One of them works Saturday mornings though, so that seems like a good fallback.

I am not really sure if I need physio at the moment. I decided to give myself a rest day today and I’m instead aiming to do a normal gentle run tomorrow, then Parkrun on Saturday and a long run Sunday. So by the start of next week I’ll be in a much better position to decide if I really need it.

Last night was awful. I woke up at 4 o clock and didn’t go back to sleep. When it became clear I wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon I started fiddling with my phone, and for some reason went on LinkedIn. This was a mistake – my previous employer had posted an update saying something like “what makes us different from all the the other software companies?” and had a lot of blurb about how amazing they are and a lot of professionally shot photos which have been done since I left. The photos are… well, I don’t know what the word is. Some of the people in the photos don’t even work there – they work for other companies on the same floor and must have been roped into modelling for photos, and half the photos were shot in a room they hired which they’re pretending is the office, presumably because the office isn’t actually a very attractive place.

In the blurb they mentioned how proud they were of employing lots of developers, but what they didn’t mention is that none of them were in the photos because they’re all in Russia. What makes you different to all the other software companies? Well, the fact that your developers (and your customers’ data) are in Russia would be an obvious point.

It just seemed so absurd and pathetic, and I suppose it upset me because it seemed symbolic of the dishonesty I experienced there. I’m glad I don’t still work there, but I didn’t need to see that in the early hours this morning.

I’ve since unfollowed the company. I don’t know why I go on LinkedIn anyway; it’s not useful unless you’re job-seeking. I should uninstall it from my phone.

I still have problems with that company. I still feel my stress levels rising every morning on the train when I go past the building. With starting to run at lunch times again I’ve been considering routes, and I’d quite like to go the other way along the canal, but I’ll end up going past the building. Part of me thinks I should face it and conquer my irrational fear, and another part of me thinks I should be avoiding triggering myself.

When will I stop having dreams about working there?


I thought the anxiety of the last few days was finally passing, but here I am, lying in bed on Sunday night with my heart pounding as I try very hard not to think about having to go to work tomorrow.

I am not sure I can keep doing this.