Changes

I’m starting my new job tomorrow and I’m feeling… OK? A bit nervous, but nothing much. I think this is the Citalopram – sometimes I feel like there’s a big ball of anxiety inside me, but it’s very deep down and it’s being suppressed. It’s distant. It’s very manageable, it’s not taking over, and I feel OK about tomorrow. Actually I’m surprised by how unfazed I feel about it. On a scale of not fazed to very fazed, I’m probably slightly fazed.

The new job itself involves some changes of routine. I’m still commuting by train, just one more stop along the line (which amounts to two-three minutes, maybe). But I’m going from working 8:00-4:20ish to 9:00-5:30. I’m not crazily impressed by the thought of still being at work at 5:30, but, realistically, the hours are not much worse than before, as long as I shift my sleeping patterns and don’t start turning up at 8:15 just because I’m awake. It does open up the possibility of running before work, but we’ll see about that…

Obviously, I currently feel absolutely no attachment whatsoever to my new employer. I remember feeling this way before I started my previous job, and I remember feeling fairly dismissive of the commitment to being employed by them, because “I probably won’t still be there in a couple of years”. Then I stayed there for seven years, and apparently I did get attached.

Here I am again. It’s a strange feeling, really.