Back to normality

Or: citalopram day 36.

I’m back at work tomorrow after two weeks off, and needless to say I’m not really looking forward to it. I have found myself getting nervous every time I think about the fact I want to start a salary/promotion negotiation with my boss.

The market rate for my skills is about 50-60% higher than what I’m currently earning. I was incensed earlier when I saw that the company has posted an advert for an assistant role, with a salary higher than mine.

So I’ve decided I’m just going to go for it. As soon as I get to work tomorrow morning, after scanning my inbox, I will be sending my boss an email instigating the discussion. I was thinking “maybe I should wait til later in the week, and get settled in again”, but no. The timing is an opportunity. Who starts a salary negotiation the day they get back from a holiday, before they’ve even got settled back in? Someone who’s prepared to NOT get settled back in – that’s who.

The email I’ve drafted is succint and factual but I’ve also referenced a few complimentary things that have been said to me informally lately and questioned why I’ve experienced no career growth in the past seven years and why my salary is now well below market rate. I closed it by saying that I hope the company will “resolve the disappointing inconsistency between its words and actions”, which might get softened tomorrow morning, but maybe not.

Musical interlude:

So, how’s the citalopram going?

I feel very stressed when I think about this impending meeting. I think about the things my boss might say, the ways he might rebuff me, and I feel helplessness, anger and anxiety. That’s no different to before. The difference is this: And then I stop thinking about it.