How are you supposed to feel after an interview?

Did it go well? I don’t know. It didn’t go terribly. I was actually surprised I was given an interview because I didn’t have familiarity with their main technology, so if I don’t get the job, I will expect it’s just lack of relevant experience.

The job is OK. Not amazing, but OK. Their technology is probably not going to be a valuable addition to my CV.

If I get offered it I am pretty sure I’ll accept.

But I still feel deflated.

I’ve been at my current employer 7 years, so… that’s a big thing. It’s almost a quarter of my life. OK, a fifth. It’s a long term relationship! I don’t want to bounce between jobs I don’t really like for the next few years. But I’ve only spent an hour in the building, I’m scared of commitment!

That’s all normal I guess. To some extent.

But I’m more scared of being offered the job than not being offered it. Is that normal?

My brain hates this. I woke up in the early hours and felt stressed and nauseous. That’s how my brain works. You have an interview in 12 hours, let’s throw up. Why is throwing up an evolutionary response to stress anyway. In what situation would that ever be helpful? My brain is terrified of interviewing. It’s terrified of change. God knows how I’d deal with actually starting a new job. Even in the interview room I could feel all the uncertainties creeping in. All the new faces, new routines, new cultures, new expectations. You’d be safe at your desk on the first morning… but what about lunch?. Would I even get to work on the first day? I’m not sure if I’m mentally healthy enough to start a new job without causing myself a breakdown. And then I have months of ‘new job jitters’. Can I do this? REALLY?

You know… if you’d killed yourself in December like you wanted, you wouldn’t have to deal with this…

Not being offered a job is easy. It’s safe too. While I was sat in the waiting area, I was aware of this. I had to kick my brain a few times and tell it not to sabotage the interview just because it hates uncertainty.

I don’t know.

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