Bleeding…

I’m feeling really down because I have internal bleeding again. It’s such a bizarre thing to experience. If you Google variants on “why is my poop black” (TMI, sorry not sorry), you’ll be told in no uncertain terms that you should go to a hospital urgently because it’s probably blood, and gastrointestinal bleeding can get really serious really quickly. It never has for me; it’s never become a continual bleed, but I’m sat here thinking “well, how do I know it’s actually stopped now?”.

I don’t know if it’s the emotional hit to my sense of safety or whether it’s just the physiological effect of suddenly having less blood, but it upset me a lot. I ended up crying in the toilets at work, which hasn’t happened for a long time. I didn’t even know what I was crying about. I felt angry and angsty and frustrated about work in general. Today wasn’t a good day.

I will be seeing my GP next week, but I’ve been anaemic before due to this and I’ve had a lot of cameras inside me, which didn’t show anything.

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m aware of the bleeding, but I also feel a bit… unwell. It’s probably my imagination. It always took a few incidents before I started to feel unwell before.

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