Dreams

Ever since I started taking Citalopram, I seem to dream a lot more. A few times over the past week I’ve had dreams about my previous job, and then I wake up feeling stressed or angry or resentful or just generally unhappy.

It’s strange. I am still resentful over my previous boss and HR lady. I am actually, in retrospect, really pleased about how I resigned. As soon as I got to work on the first day back from a two week holiday, I sent a very strong mail to my boss saying I’d been told by HR lady I was “valued and respected” and quoted him on saying my work was appreciated by customers, and then I said “it is therefore unclear why my salary has fallen so far behind the market rate and why my professional achievements are not being recognised here” or words to that effect. My boss went into conciliatory apology mode and promised to sort it out, but wanted to make it a bureaucratic process involving people I didn’t work with to review my work and then wanted to interview me with my manager. Four weeks later, he was still faffing trying to organise that and I’d got a better offer from another company who could apparently assess my value with more efficiency, so I gave my notice.

So in summary, I gave my boss a warning that he wasn’t meeting expectations and gave him fair opportunity to remedy the problem, and then I fired him. I’m pleased with that because firstly I did the right thing for myself while being very fair and professional, and secondly there is no way he came out of that thinking he had done the right thing.

The end result is that I’m in a better environment with a company that’s competing at a higher skill level than my previous employer, and I’m earning more. If my ex-boss or ex-HR lady had been more competent then I’d still be working there, which would have been a good deal for them, but a bad deal for me.

So I don’t really understand why I’m resentful over it, but apparently I am, because I keep having dreams about it and I wake up annoyed and it’s difficult to go back to sleep. It seems that it takes more than a month to leave behind seven years of feelings.