Soo, I saw my counsellor today…

I think the main things that came out are that I feel let down by work, and it feels like I’m leaving with unfinished business.

I feel let down by my boss specifically, because I’ve always had a lot of respect for him. I’ve always had a view of my boss as being intelligent, professional, high achieving, etc. The people I’ve had trouble with, not so much, but ultimately, it’s his company and it falls upon him to sort out issues. I’ve had higher expectations of a number of people than it turned out were justified, but he’s the one that disappoints me the most.

The unfinished business factor is still an argument going around my head. I want to say what I’m really thinking about everything even though I have nothing to gain. This will subside very quickly after Friday, but, at the moment, it’s still there.

She re-assured me a bit on the HR front. The thing with HR lady is that she has no HR experience outside of this company, and, I think it would be naive to say that she was hired here for any other reason than she’s a native Russian speaker and most of our ’employees’ are off-shore Russian contractors. It’s actually only been a very recent thing that she has any involvement in UK matters at all. My counsellor assures me that her behaviour has been bizarre and I could usually expect a lot more support from HR. I have no other experience of dealing with HR, so it’s useful to hear this. It certainly fits my perception that HR lady doesn’t know what she’s doing, but it’s useful to get someone much older and more life-experienced than me tell me this.

I don’t know when or if I will see my counsellor again though. She said she didn’t think I needed any more counselling (and I pay her £35 a session, so this is a genuine opinion) and I agree with that at the moment.

I said I’d contact her again after I’ve started my new job and let her know. But whether that will be to make an appointment or to tell her I don’t think I need to see her again… I don’t know, we’ll see.

8 thoughts on “Counselling

  1. I like that it’s left open so you don’t have to make a decision (about the counselling) yet.
    It’s hard to deal with feeling so let down by an authority figure. I think I see them like parents, they’re supposed to take care of us, look out for us.
    I’m glad you got reassurance about HR lady. It’s nearly Friday, & then you’ll be free!!! Best wishes,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I think you have hit the nail on the head about seeing my boss as a parent! That’s a worrying thought isn’t it 😂. I’ll try not to get too attached to my next boss…

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I do think about it. At the moment I’m so curious as to what it’s like there with the pandemic, who (if anyone) has been furloughed, etc. I haven’t kept close enough contact with anyone to ask for details, but one person did say a few months ago that they’d lost a lot of work. Plus, they can’t furlough the Russians, so not having UK staff will bite them. I definitely have some schadenfreude over that!

      As for how it all seems in retrospect – hmm, well, I regret giving so much time to that company. I was really unimpressed with how my ex boss (the managing director) handled my departure and the events leading up to it, and there’s no way I’d ever work with him again or recommend his company to anyone.

      Also it just seems a bit… I don’t know… below my level? They always had a shoe-string budget – e.g. not employing UK staff, bringing in a lot of student interns and then acting surprised when projects went wrong. My current employer pays the going rate for the skills they need and they handle much more interesting and complex projects as a result, even with very few people. So I suppose in retrospect my old workplace seems unprofessional.

      How do you feel about yours? Do you think about it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I rarely think about it, although sometimes husband tells me snippets from the new job & how that’s what we were trying to do at the old place. There’s a part of me wonders what I could have differently, although now it just seems like a dream. It’s fading from my memory. I’m mostly just glad to be gone, although I miss the laugh at lunchtimes. I got some useful experience there, & learned lots. It’s good for my CV at least 😉

        I have a few friends there still so they keep me up to date. I hope we have more to talk about / in common than just work though,

        Liked by 1 person

      2. How long were you there for?

        When I left I unfollowed the company on LinkedIn because I was still feeling ‘connected’ by seeing their updates pop up and I wanted to put it all behind me. But seeing HR lady in her soviet uniform did bring it all back again!

        Re the CV, I guess it work out pretty well for you in that if anyone ever asks, you can use your Ireland move as the explanation for leaving?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I was there just over 3 years. Just over a year as an analyst, & just over 2 years in the new role. The move was definitely handy in leaving it all behind! After I left (& while I was off sick) husband couldn’t help himself from talking about it so at least now it’s firmly in the past.

        Liked by 1 person

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