One week to go

I have my leaving date finalised now for next Friday. So I actually get a two week break (and I’m paid for four days of it) before starting my next job.

I feel very strange about leaving. Essentially I am leaving because someone has been emotionally abusive to me and I feel very unwelcome and out of place. I have let her bully me out of my job, and I am frustrated with myself for that*. But leaving will be very beneficial to my mental health, and it’s the right thing to do for my career. If I stayed, the best case is that I’d still be bored, underpaid and undervalued. My employer doesn’t deserve me, and I deserve better. So I’m right to leave. But…

Maybe it’s because I’ve been here for seven years. I’m 32, and seven years is most of my working life. My previous job lasted for seven months. This company feels like my home. It’s where I learnt to be a professional adult. It’s going to be weird to leave it. It will be healthy, but it’s waaay out of my comfort zone, not that I find my current workplace comfortable(!).

I don’t think I’ve emotionally accepted that you can fire your employer. I know it intellectually and I’ve done it, but I don’t feel it. My boss still seems very important to me even though as of this time next week we’ll probably never see each other again.

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*Well, maybe I should reframe that and say my employer let it happen.