Citalopram day 35

Or: Apparently I can’t count. I realised something was amiss as I started on a Wednesday and today is Tuesday and 38 isn’t divisible by 7. Thanks, maths degree. It turns out it’s day 35.

So, I’ve had no response from my boss, but he was in the office today. He had a closed door meeting with Becky earlier which makes me a little suspicious. I wouldn’t be surprised if the delay here is because he forwarded my email to HR lady for her take on it, and she told him I was still upset about the Becky situation, and now he’s trying to get a feel for it via her. I didn’t refer to that situation at all in the email, I kept it strictly about salary and professional opportunities, so any such interpretation is purely his and I couldn’t possibly comment.

I could easily be wrong on that though. I usually am wrong about these things.

I have not found the stress any easier today. I barely slept again and my GI system is distressed (like the rest of me). I actually put on some weight when I was on holiday; I had my BMI up to 19.6, but now it’s back down to 19.2.

So I still feel my stress responses are out of alignment. Worst case scenario: my boss comes back and says “no”. Then I’m no worse off than I am now. Some anxiety is understandable, but I shouldn’t be losing sleep (and weight) over this.

I am confused because I’m not sure if the citalopram should be giving me better results than this. The GP told me that you often have to try a few antidepressants to find the right one. I think I should make an appointment to discuss this.

I have noticed something though: I find it a lot easier to just speak to people. There’s no feeling of awkwardness about it anymore. So… I am still experiencing a lot of stress but I seem to be functioning better socially at the same time?

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