Citalopram days 7-10: I think it’s day 10 anyway. I’ve lost count. Nothing to report, really. I had some more nausea when I went up to 20mg but nothing much. I have felt pretty tired at times; mid-afternoon at my desk is a bit of a struggle some days. If it doesn’t wear off I might try taking it in the evening instead of morning.
Other health: I have been prescribed iron tablets again because my iron levels have dropped a lot and are approaching anaemia since I finished the previous course. But maybe that’s why I’m getting tired?
Having to take two sets of pills is not making my stomach happy though.
Mentally I’m feeling a bit lighter on average, which is promising as it’s still a few weeks before we really expect full effectiveness from the antidepressants. This morning at work there were things happening that would usually have bothered me, but they just washed over me. This afternoon wasn’t so easy though; I felt angsty and frustrated and went home feeling drained.
Things should get a bit easier now anyway because Becky is on holiday next week and then I have two weeks off. I have had a hard time switching off from the weird rudeness I get from her, which increases my anxiety a lot because I end up anticipating it and feeling that I have to be prepared for it so I don’t overreact. In reality, I don’t know why I even feel that way. I’m not a reactive person. She’s rude to me and I just ignore it at the time. It reflects badly on her, not on me. It upsets me later, but at the time, it just happens and the moment passes. Sometimes afterwards I feel like marching up to her desk and confronting her, but it’s not like I’d do that.
My counsellor told me I was feeling guilty about things I haven’t done (i.e. my fear of reacting), and she’s right. She came up with an interesting idea that I should reward myself whenever Becky is rude to me so that I stop dreading it. I think it might help reframe it. I’ve started carrying around some Fruit Pastilles in my bag, which are as yet unopened.
Rambles 