The only certainty is that nothing is certain

HR Lady didn’t speak to me today after all, though she was in the office. She had a 30+ minute meeting with Mike, which is probably the first time she’s ever had a meeting with him. This makes me think “hmm”. Is it about me?! He would probably have framed it as being concerned he’d upset me and not knowing what to do. I’ll be honest though, if he’s involved HR without trying to work it out with me directly then I’m going to find it hard not to roll my eyes. But maybe it’s not about me. Maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe it’s just a massive coincidence that his first meeting with HR came shortly after upsetting me. Maybe.

Later, HR lady went out for lunch with Becky. This has happened three times now. She is supposed to be mediating between Becky and me, but she’s going out for lunch with Becky. The last time this happened I ran it past my counsellor and said “is it normal that I’m a bit concerned about this…” and she gave me a very definite yes. I don’t actually WANT to be in a position where I might need to complain that the head of HR is showing a conflict of interest, and it astounds me that she is putting me in that position. It feels a bit… amateur hour.

She didn’t speak to me at all so I have no idea what’s going on (even though yesterday she cancelled the meeting between Becky and me with no explanation), and it hit my anxiety levels pretty badly.

I don’t need to be worried about this. If I get in trouble then I still have my “I just started SSRIs and they were making me feel worse” excuse. But I am worried. Why am I even expecting to be in trouble?!

Garmin watch stress levels: high.

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